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My Name is Jenn and this handsome dude, is my husband, please follow along and enjoy our story, through the desert and back.

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One of the happiest, memorable moments in my life

I hope you can find some comfort in my writing and you always believe at the end of the day you are the best version of yourself. You were born to live this life fully, without judgement and with a heart full of love. May you always find love in your heart for yourself.  

           Because your worth it.

I can tell you there is no greater feeling then that first kiss after a long 9 months of a deployment, but I can tell you that  you have no idea what the last kiss before deployment can feel like. – the last kiss you shared all of those months ago. The anticipation is the greatest pressure in your stomach you will ever feel. The butterflies, the memories of days before deployment swarm through your brain and you long for the kiss you shared before his desert sand boots stepped into that bus.  The boots that take him and his brothers to a foreign land, that you have no idea about.  Well that’s a lie, you know of that land. The horror it has brought home before. But you don’t know the smell, the sounds and the rush of adrenaline all of those who loaded that bus are feeling right now because at that moment, I promise you, they cannot wait to get there and do their job. But this kiss, The Last Kiss before the bus leaves, is the one you hold on to for all of your days until you get that first kiss again. You cling to the memory of his last words he said as he looked into your eyes and you just know this time feels different. This time, something feels different, this see you later, it feels bad. I have no idea, but this doesn’t feel right.  I know at that instant, I married one of Canada’s finest, the one who could do what your brother, uncle or father couldn’t. That man who just stepped on that bus, who you just gave your last kiss, the man you are afraid you may never see again- That man, is a Hero, he just left your arms and instantly became a Hero.  As your lips meet, you say, “please be careful, please be safe and come home to me in one piece, alive, I can’t see a box, I need you”, I said.  And the words, “suck it up princess, I have it covered”, leave his lips. “Poppas coming home in 127 days for a quick rest”. When you know this is far from the truth. The military will never let you know your time to come rest with your loved ones. So you hold onto that kiss just one last time and as they call the roll for your line to leave, the tears fall, the memories come rushing back of the birth of your baby, your wedding vows, that you promised to forever keep just 8 weeks ago.  It all rises to the surface and your left standing, with bile in your throat  for fear this is the last time, along with the biggest heart for someone who has made you so proud,  your baby in your arms, who you pray will grow to know a father she deserves to know and his t-shirt, that t-shirt-with the scent you will cling  to for the next “ 127 days”.  – Jennifer White

Please stay tuned for my blog,  I hope you are able to carry along and follow the life of a community most civilians can not relate, and one I can no longer imagine my life without.  With every new beginning, there’s an end, an end to something you can never forget. 

Much love, 

Jenn

14 thoughts on “Home”

  1. I felt like I was reading the epoilogue to a well written novel. I’m excited to follow your blog & your journey. Best of luck on your new adventure ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I could feel your pain and your fear, as I was reading this. It has to be a very difficult life. I tUght Ivan in grade one. He was always very special to me and was a handsome little boy who grew up to be an handsome man. God bless you both!

    Like

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